My romantic life is a shambles (not that have a very big one)

Hi everyone.

Ugh I swear lately I have been feeling kinda depressed and I’ve had this really weird feeling in my body, I can’t explain it. If it were en emotion if would nervous and awkward.

The depressed part is because writing up my second last post I just couldn’t stop thinking about Football after it and ughh I just wish all those memories would fly away and never come back, so that I could feel like he does; nothing.

I also have some feelings about the guy from my friend or foe? post. His best friend’s sister is in my grade and I’ve always been a little envious of her; they were always talking to each other and sometimes while talking they were doing that thing where you clap and then cross your hand over and clap their opposite hand, but the other day my feelings were actually hurt. I saw them talking and him giving her piggy backs. I just wish stop playing games. Friends or not? I wish he would be straight with me as well because sometimes he actually is nice to me and we have an okay time but always feeling like your embarrassing just to be around and someone actually finds you really annoying and hates you, without even giving a reason, because hey they’re not always like that really feels like crap.

But I felt really weird yesterday. There’s this guy in my class and he’s always seemed kinda cool, I sort of wanted to be friends with him, maybe. But then suddenly him and Pearl are friends because she texted him. He says stuff to her like “good luck” before her performances and all that, so I guess I’m a little jealous because I have one guy friend (not that your not great!) and then again he’s really popular and… I’m not. Anyway just to be clear I don’t have a crush on him but to be honest sometimes I talk to him when say, he’s sitting next to me or something, anyway its not rare that I do. After school yesterday I saw him talking to two of his friends, he left with one. The other one, however came up to me and asked if I liked him. (the guy I’ve been talking about) And probably replied with the worst answer anyone could have answered with though. I was like “I don’t hate him”, “I don’t really know him” but his friend doesn’t beat around the bush. He just said no “like, like like?” (I know lots of like in that sentence but that’s what teenagers say these days) and I said no. Which is true. But that means he must think I like him!!! I know he wasn’t asking to see if I liked him because to ask me out because

a) He is wayyy more popular than I am

b) He told Pearl he doesn’t like anyone and is focusing on school and sport

c) He probs thinks I’m a weirdo

So yeah. After that I felt all queasy and I dunno just not myself. I’ll have to just avoid him at school I guess so he doesn’t keep thinking that, but I don’t know i that a good idea? Oh my gosh I need help.

So yeah there you go folks but screwed up love life right there above you. I’ve never even had a boyfriend and as far as I know the one guy who ever liked me, (football) now acts like I’ve fallen off the face of the Earth. If anyone has any advice please help me! I’m so confused. 😦

 

xogirl xx

Is it okay to forgive and forget?

Hey guys how are you? I’ve been thinking about something lately and I’m not sure whether I’m doing the right thing.

I had a big fight with Pearl and Barbie earlier in the year and some of last year but now, I don’t think I’m that mad about it. We both hurt each other a lot, but they got over it a lot more quickly than I did. I barely spoke to them for most of the year. I was so hurt and angry and I swore I would never forgive them and I wanted too just leave them behind next year but now… I’m not so sure.

It’s not like they’re my best friends or anything, or even good friends but I think there was just a moment where I just stopped hating them. I kind of sub-consciously thought “this is so childish” and saw that I could stop all these horrible feelings and all the hate I was carrying.

When I did I sank into the friendship group I’ve always wanted. A group of girls that all like each other and get along. I actually like Pearl and barbie now. Me and Pearl are always laughing and sometimes I wish just a little we never stopped being best friends because we seem like a good fit. We have the same sense of humor and like mostly the same things, but then she also has a very ugly side so it was probably for the best.

I told my mum vaguely of how I feel and she was crazy. She was just like “they are not your friends, you may sit with them but they are just your acquaintances. I know what she is saying, what they did was really hurtful and wrong but I have to forgive them sometime…right? If these are some of the people I’ll be hanging around with until year 12 I don’t want to just hate them forever. Even if I’m not with them until year 12 I don’t want some hate or grudge. I do think though, sometimes, I forgive people to quickly and too easily, its definitely one of my flaws. I don’t know if I should be forgiving them though. Do they deserve it? Is it the right thing to do? I’m so confused yet I’m not at the same time. It probably doesn’t make sense.

But while I am happier I still feel like Pearl just doesn’t like me toooo much. I just wish that my group was 100% no drama. I know I said I liked how we all liked each other but there’s still sometimes those feelings that some of them are talking about you or wish you weren’t around. I sorta wish me and the girls I’m really close with could just slowly separate ourselves and maybe meet some other people. I really wish I was in a group of girls and boys, its more interesting and just more fun.

Well thank you so much for reading, who ever is! I ordered some lipstick online and it should be arriving any day now so I think I’m going to do a review on it, what do you think? Anyway thanks for reading!

xogirl xxxx

Do all broken hearts heal?

Hey guys. Sorry I haven’t written in about 1000 years, I’m just super busy right now. So I was feeling really down on Friday and I just need to get something out in the open and off my chest.

(Just before you read this, it is about the same guy that was in my post boy troubles so it will probably make more sense if you read it)

Anyway it was first break and I was sitting with some friends and guess who else was there? The guy. (I’m gonna call him football, cause he seems to love it) He was just 3 or 4 meters away talking to his friends. Pearl started calling out his name and it was horrible! I mean I don’t think he heard but still…. it wasn’t great. This girl in my class who I don’t mind (although I think all and all, she’s actually pretty mean tbh) was like “ha remember when you liked him?” and Pearl talked about how he said last year he liked me. What the other girl said after that though really hurt my feelings, it’s probably kind of stupid though. She said “Yeah you probably weren’t cool enough” and laughed. It doesn’t sound like much but sometimes she just thinks if she says stuff like its a joke, she doesn’t actually mean it. But she does.

I keep telling everyone I hate him and I say hes a dick-head but when I said that the girl said “No hes actually really nice.” REALLY? IS HE? ‘CAUSE IT DOESN’T SEEM LIKE IT! IT SEEMS LIKE HE’S NICE TO EVERYONE EXCEPT ME AND I’M NOT JOKING! In fact I don’t even think that girl has any idea how it feels. Every guy she meets almost instantly starts drooling over her. She doesn’t know how it feels for boys to never take interest in you, then suddenly, someone has. But wait! You do nothing wrong and they never talk to you again for no apparent reason.

He was a real friend to me. I didn’t act like someone I wasn’t around him. I didn’t have some out of the blue sass, I didn’t flirt, I was completely, utterly, 100% myself. I could use my normal sense of humor that people who don’t know me thinks is weird and I probably could have told him things like secrets or some of my problems if I had any. I did contact him about it actually. AND HE STRAIGHT UP LIED. HE FED ME BULLSHIT WITH A SPOON AND I JUST BELIEVED IT ALL.

WHAT DID I DO FOR HIM TO HATE ME? OR NOT WANT TO TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN? WHAT HORRIBLE CRIME DID I COMMIT TO HAVE MY HEART SHATTERED INTO EXACTLY TEN MILLION UN-FIXABLE PIECES?

People: friends, family, teachers always say its fine you’re only young you’re gonna meet someone else and you won’t even remember it soon. No you know what? I do. I feel the betrayal every time I see his face and they way he just keeps on walking. He requested me on instagram about 6 months ago and then unfollowed me. Why would he even bother to request me? I have this stupid little voice in my head that wants me to think he couldn’t look at my instagram without remembering me. But he seemed to have forgotten a very long time ago. I don’t feel my heart slowly picking it’s self up. I don’t feel each piece slotting back into piece.

I only have one friend I can even talk to tbh. I don’t feel like my friends would sit down and have a heart to heart. They would probably make a joke or find it a little funny. Last night I was going over what they girl said. And I made the mistake of thinking about the very first time I met football and I couldn’t stop all these images of practically everything we did together flashing through my head.

And I cried.

Because it wasn’t fair. And I missed him. And he so obviously doesn’t care about me or remember who I even am. So I cried.

 

Sorry if it was intense… I needed to say it.

xogirl xx

 

Friend or foe….

Hi guys how is everyone? Recently I went on a camping trip with some family friends, with whom we (my family) have a very long history with. I’ve known them for 7 1/2 years so really I know everything about them.

For a very quick run-down of our history together the family consists of 3 boys and their parents. We met because when my little brother was in prep he met their youngest son and after that we became very close. They also have a 12 year old son and a 16 year old son. The oldest guy has some mental health issues so he never comes like camping and stuff, but he’s getting better. It’s not like he’s a nutcase he just had some depression (I think) and had trouble controlling his emotions- tantrums, running off, physical violence.

Now I didn’t mention the middle son because this is really written about him to be honest. When we were younger we weren’t like SUPER-DUPER close but I would say we were friends. Now he’s older and I’m so confused and kinda hurt by him. When were’re at school, he’s kinda mean and maybe even embarrassed  by me, and I told my mum about this but she just said “oh he’s just trying to fit, he doesn’t want to be seen with younger kids cause he’s trying t be cool” but I don’t believe that anymore. I’ve seen him talking to boys in my grade, which I get is different because at my school you get like year 11 and year 8 or 9  boys being friends but he talks to girls as well! I mean they are the popular girls, I’ll grant you that but still 7 AND A HALF YEARS AND HE WON’T TALK TO ME IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS?!?! The only time he ever does is when he needs to like borrow my hat or something.

But what I also don’t get is when we are doing things like camping or even sometimes when were at his house for dinner he forgets it all and is actually a pretty decent guy, maybe even on the border line of being a friend. I remember once we were in their crappy spa (not as gross as it sounds btw) and our little brothers were in there, but only for a while (they got kicked out for being too annoying) so it was just us. After a while it got to cold (EVEN THOUGH ITS A FRICKEN’ SPA) so we jumped out… into the freezing cold air! Neither of us wanted to wait for the shower so we just shared one downstairs. (again not as gross as it sounds we still had our swimmers on)

This whole paragraph is going to sound like something out of a movie but I forgot to bring anything warm  so I had to wear one of his sweaters. We wanted to watch a movie but the only TV free was the one in their parents bedroom, where you had to sit/ lie on their bed.  I got onto the left side and we he wanted to lie there so we had a little fake fight, banter I guess? Then he half picked half rolled me onto the other side of the bed! He picked Hercules to watch but was on snap chat the whole time, then again I was texting my friend a little on instagram. Unfortunately he saw some of the conversation, the one I was having with m friend. About him. And my friend saying he should kiss me!

You could probably say he’s pretty two- faced from what I’ve written. When we were boating one minute he’s offering to RUB MY SUNSCREEN IN and the next he’s getting mad at me for doing some really small things! (Lolll my friend actually thought he had the hots for me, no way!) Sometimes he’s really confusing though. When we were camping he kept bringing up the fact I’m single. Saying I didn’t have a boyfriend and stuff?!?!

Anyway I don’t know what to make of him. I really really enjoy it when we’re friends because he makes me laugh and maybe, if he hadn’t gone down the path of pretending (maybe he does :P?) to hate me then I feel like he could have been someone I could trust and talk to and he would be kinda like a brother? I’m not sure if that sounds stupid. I just wish I could tell what all these little things meant.

Well thanks for reading guys! That probably wasn’t the most interesting post to read but I just need an opinion on it!

Byeeeeeeeeeeee (my grammar sucks)

xogirl xxxx

First week back

Hi guys!  I’ve changed my header image, again! I just love playing around with designs and always changing it! (I hope you don’t mind!)

So last week was the first week of school back…. and it was pretty okay. Barbie talked to me about something too. She pulled me aside and said her mum “somehow” (YOU OBVIOUSLY TOLD HER!!!) found out about us not being friends, ) which I know when put like that sounds very childish) and wanted to PAY for me to go to A Shawn Mendes concert with her. I would love love love to seem him perform but I’m not going to just take advantage of the opportunity, plus it would be really uncomfortable if I went with Barbie and I’d have to be like her best friend afterwards or something. She’s so spoiled.

Me, Barbie and the rest of my friends have a group chat on instagram and she was getting all upset because she was probably wasn’t going to the Shawn Mendes concert, even though she’s going to BALI for her birthday (though she definitely doesn’t act like her age!) and just went to see Justin Bieber! The rest of us have never even been too one concert and she’s been to about five! I don’t really think there’s any point in just going with your mum like she does, you should just wait till’ you’re older.

I’m getting along with Barbie now. I just can’t be bothered to purposely not talk to her it’s to much effort.

I got my report card back yesterday too! I’m so so happy! I got 2 B’s an 5 A’s!!! I usually get 2 or 3 A’s so I was blown away. I got excellent for all my behavior and effort, which I’ve actually never done, I just can’t believe it! It kind of doesn’t seem real, I’m not usually one of those kids that gets all this. I mean I’m not dumb I just don’t usually do this well! I hope the rest of my cards are like this, usually they aren’t as good as my term one report card.

I hope everyone’s report cards turn out well (if you get them for term one) and ya’ll have a good day!

xogirl xx

By the Beach

Hi guys! So for Easter I went up to visit my Grandpa and his girlfriend at the beach. They’re part of my family but sometimes it can be really stressful because they have a “no mess or noise” policy which really means do nothing. They also always banging on about being healthy and how fussy my brother and I are (which we’re not) but they’re still my family so I just try and get on with it.

I love going to the beach. It really loosens up my family and I think when I’m at the beach my dad and I are a lot closer. He’s been teaching me how to surf, and at the moment is it quite tricky but I’m slowly getting the hand of it. I can stand up a bit but I’m too far down the board so I ending up turning some mad corner. I was swimming out and I got knocked over by a wave, but then my board sailed into a guy who was actually surfing! I felt terrible and he was pretty mad. I think I’m going to move to the beach for university when I’m older.

So Easter is today! I haven’t actually done much, except getting all my eggs! I tried these little Oreo eggs and they are amazing, I can’t actually stop eating them! My Auntie got me a Toblerone (I think that’s how you spell it) and they are way better than I remember. Well I think my uncle and Auntie are coming over soon so I hope everyone got loads of chocolate and have a great Easter!

xogirl xxxx

One term down…

Hey guys! So the holidays have finally arrived! They actually came early because of  cyclone Debbie up North. (Does North need a capital letter? I don’t know) There was so much rain that Thursday and Friday were cancelled, so, although it might be bad of me to say this, the cyclone did have its perks. Anyway the holidays could not have come sooner, its term one and its already been so hectic! I’m just so over school already! Maybe its mine “teenage-y hormones” but I am seriously over school.

I can’t believe that in three months so much drama went down, and it still is! I got rejected (again) by a boy, there was all that drama with Barbie and Pearl and I spent so much time worrying about a maths test that I not only passed but got above average for.

Barbie and Pearl, if you have read my life and socials posts caused so much drama, but now they’re just being plain weird. Pearl asked me if I wanted to go on a jog with her but Barbie’s requests were a little bigger. When we were best friends we were meant to go to eat street and have a sleepover but being the klutz I am, I fell off some toy in a park and had to go home ’cause I got concussed (very minor-ly). Recently she asked if I wanted to go to eat street (a place with loads of food vans) again ’cause we didn’t make it last time, but not only that. She offered to pay $150 for a concert ticket to Shawn Mendez because I joked about us both going back when we were friends. I know they could just be trying to be friendly but I’m not convinced and I can’t go back to feeling the way I did. I’ve finally reached a happy place where I’m not embarrassed or scared or upset and I don’t care what they think.

With means of friendship, I really do like most of the other girls in my group and I don’t want t hurt their feelings but I think I’ve found a group of people I really do fit in with. I already knew some of them but when I was invited to a party and some other people where there I really enjoyed myself. They were all talking to me and it was like I’d known them for ages. It was so so different to the awkward atmosphere of my current group. But then, how do I leave without offending anyone? They don’t seem to mind yet but I don’t want to cause another fight. I’ve had enough of ALL THIS DRAMA!!!

So that’s my current social life, probably more confusing then it should be for my age but maybe someone has managed to screw their’s up even more than I have! Before I go my friend recently set up a blog, friendship and bs and I said I’d give her a shout out, so there it is thanks for reading!

xogirl xx